Where do you need to show up and lead in your everyday life?
The concept of leadership is often thought of as the leader you see in the front of a room; at the head of a company, or like the president of a country…
These are the leaders who take on big roles in our world and visibly have many, many followers.
They are the ones who many people often look up to, who make decisions, implement change and build new ventures.
But what about the Everyday Leader? “Emotional Intelligence is key! Learn this and live it.”
What about the leader who guides their family; spiritually, supporting, loving… The leader who hires employees and understands their personalities, strengths, weaknesses….
The leader who understands themselves! Is in emotional, mental and spiritual control of themselves and recognizes to themselves.
That just by being who they are, they lead others and often without even realizing it. Those are true leaders and they do not recognize it, because it never is a chore for them.
And they do not see leading as work, but just who they are.
I’m talking about the leader who some (not all) of us are called to be in our everyday lives. “Emotional Intelligence is key! Learn this and live it.”
This leader still needs to be capable of making difficult decisions, of implementing change, and of charting new territory.
However, the impact of the Everyday Leader is usually less visible than the leaders we see at the front of the room and at the heads of companies.
This is the leader who organizes not just getting the kids to school on time, everyday. But also makes sure to know as much about the school as those working there and still may have questions.
This is the leader who wants to make a career change and has to buck the odds to make a shift that is meaningful to them. And will interview the hell out of that new company that is interviewing them!
Asking what qualifies the interviewer at that new company to be the one that is interviewing them anyway. While at the same time, contemplating just opening their own business.
And not working for someone else, who may not be a leader at all, if not in just title! This is the leader who needs to stand his ground in a sea of differing opinions.
We have to be leaders in our own lives, EVERY DAY. “Emotional Intelligence is key! Learn this and live it.”
It’s just up to us how much we want to show up. “Emotional Intelligence is key! Learn this and live it.”
What does it take to be an Everyday Leader?
I’ve been thinking about this for years… since College in fact and I am now 51. We need to dig deep to make important choices, thoughtful decisions, and have difficult conversations, or as I call the; “Hard Talks”.
We need to make decisions about where we live, what house we buy, what kind of family are we going to be. What school our children should go to and why, will we follow God, will our home be of love and loyalty.
And how to care for our aging parents… so on and so fourth. We need to decide if a career or job is right for us anymore – if our business, romantic or marital partners are still who we want to be with.
And if they are quality; good people with whom we started out with – if we are really doing what we’ve always seen ourselves to be doing, in and with our own lives.
These are the leadership decisions of our everyday lives.
What are the qualities we need to be an Everyday Leader?
I recently saw an article that listed 100 qualities of leadership. One hundred?! I figure this means that we are pretty wide open when it comes to what it takes to be a leader.
I don’t agree with any of that shit… Having that many (a 100) of any traits; qualities of any dynamic is more than enough to make anyone anything!
I personally believe there are only a few, far more definitive traits and qualities that qualify someone as a true leader.
Here are the Characteristics that I call upon as I Lead in my Everyday Life:
- Courage – When and where do you need courage to make the right decision? To have that difficult conversation? To initiate the unpopular choice? We do this in the bedrooms and in the boardrooms of our lives – in our living rooms; around the kitchen table, and in the car on the way to work, school, or any other outing. It’s not just the traditionally defined leader that needs to call upon their courage to do what is right.
- Conviction – This is the part where we pick our battles, isn’t it? We are confident in our choice to stand our ground and make that decision that might not be in the best interest of everyone and may lead to arguments – but it is in the best interest of our family. This is not just the playing field of the highly convicted spouse demanding parent or the high-powered CEO, we all must call upon our personal convictions to lead the lives we want to lead and to lead our families as a spiritual, practical and decisive leader… and raise our children the way we feel is best – not how the neighbor down the street, your parents, a school or your second cousin twice removed thinks you should. YOU get to make your choices for you. Everyday.
- Passion – What are you passionate about? What gets you up in the morning? Think about the leaders who you know – the traditional and the non-traditional ones. What sets them apart? As a leader of over 3 decades, I bet they exhibit some level of passion in their lives. Something drives them that you can’t describe. It’s the ideas, the energy, the commitment to make something happen. We just keep going. We’re relentless. We have passion! And it’s enticing and exciting to be around us. We are leaders in this area that we are passionate about.
- Empathy – The leaders who I have been most impressed by in my life and career are the ones who are able to slow down and listen to different points of view. And — most importantly – upon listening they actually seem to hear and understand. They exhibit empathy and understanding for different points of view. They make you feel heard and that your opinion matters. They will take it into consideration and factor it into the decisions they make for the family, an employee, a group. They are empathetic leaders. These are the issues of our everyday lives that need us to show up, to be leaders, and empathize.
- Focus – This is an unwavering commitment to seeing a project through, no matter what. We leaders have conviction and passion – as mentioned above – but also FOCUS. We will continue working on this idea or project day after day after day. We are able to focus and not spend half our day on social media or some other aimless bullshit, because something looked more interesting than their current project. We are able to make decisions, get it done, and keep on working.
- Keep Cool – Are you able to keep your cool in trying situations? Or do you freak out when the going gets tough and you’re not sure what to do next like someone drowning in a beta mindset… confused, scared and unsure of yourself? Are you able to take a step back and observe the situation, listen to what’s happening and make decisions from a non-frenetic place? These are the leaders others look up to: the ones who keep a level head when everyone else is losing theirs.
- Value-Based -Do you feel like you are a principled leader? Do you feel like you can lead from a place of values-based decision making? If not, what’s your anchor? What place are you making decisions from? This is often where we find our anchor as significant others, spouses, parents – the place where it really doesn’t matter what “Johnny’s” parents are doing. What matters is what feels right to YOU.
- Strategic – In my mind, a strategic leader is a thoughtful leader. You are thinking ahead and planning for those unforeseen circumstances, making sure you are ready for what might be thrown in the way. These are the leaders/parents/people who are able to keep going even when it seems things may not be going as planned. They are ready for what’s next, no matter what “next” is.
What leadership quality do you need to call upon to take that next step?
I have worked with people who were and are called to be leaders in their everyday lives, yet never get it because fear, self induced anxieties, fear of rejection and un-approval, a beta mindset.
However as a leader, I have never given up on these people, yet together, we uncovered what it is they were and are meant to be doing (the important and or urgent shit) and chart a path to get there.
Working with me you will find the courage you need to make that change; grow your family in blessing and spirit, quit that job; start that business; go on that trip; or publish that book or that song (that you may already have almost finished!).
Where do you need a little encouragement to be the leader in your everyday life you know you are meant to be?
I’d love to hear! Contact me for a strategy session to get you started. Hey! What have you got to lose? Be a leader in your own life. You will never regret it.
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