It’s the small things that come across to people and makes them like you.
If you’re wondering how come changing a few small things about yourself can make people like you, think about it this way:
In a world where social interactions are the stepping stones to a successful life:
Charisma is the biggest unfair advantage you can train yourself for!
Even better, there are tiny secrets you can deploy to give yourself an edge in life. By the end of my article, you’ll have a full set of tools to turn your social interactions around.
Change #1 – Be excited when you meet them for the second time
It’s true that you only get one shot at making a first impression!
But you rarely lock in someone’s identity the first time you meet.
That’s why you’re always willing to give even the people you don’t like a second chance, just to confirm your initial perception.
If you didn’t screw up the first time, the second time you meet them is when you will establish your relationship.
Be excited, give compliments, accept compliments, and inquire about what happened between the first meeting and the second. These are the small things that make someone instantly like you.
People love talking about the things they love!
If you follow them on social media, inquire about what takeaways they’ve had recently:
Eg: I saw on Instagram that you went to Portugal; What did you like about the trip?
Express interest in the things they’re interested in!
Especially those in which you have an interest. The second meeting decides if you close or widen the gap!
Change #2 – Holding your own and not falling back
Nobody wants to carry you around or wait for you.
People immediately like you when you’re simply able to join their crowd and keep moving. That’s one of the secrets that will make people instantly like you.
If you’re doing an activity, don’t be the one holding the group back.
There’s a difference between being:
A social asset
A social liability
A social asset is someone who adds value through their presence and elevates the group experience as a result.
A social liability is someone who needs constant care and downgrades the experience for the group.
If you don’t know how to ride a bike, don’t come on a bike trip.
If you get sea-sick, don’t go on the boat
People love social assets, they love to introduce you to their friends, peers, or network because they know you’re able to hold your own and not embarrass them.
Your presence in their social circle actually validates them even more.
That’s what you want to be in life—a social asset.
Change #3 – Showing up on time
Not earlier… not late… on time.
As humans, we thrive on predictability.
We like people who are able to “do what they say” and “say what they do”. Because with them, you don’t have to worry.
They’re not going to show up early to your party while you’re still setting things up.
They’re not going to show up late, making you wait for them, so now you’re in a rush or looking bad.
Assume time is more valuable for the other person than it is for you!
The more you mess with it, the less they’ll like you.
Change #4 – Remembering personal details
Deep down, we all want to know that the other person cares.
Which is why we make an effort to actually listen when talking to someone else. It’s just one of those things that makes people like you.
In the conversation, they’ll mention specifics: name of spouse, name of children, birthdays, passions, plans, the journey they’re on, etc.
Do you know how companies in the 70s and 80s kept Rolodexes with all the business cards and dates of children’s birthdays on the back? Actually, based on my analytics, most of you probably don’t.
The modern-day version is to keep a notes file on your phone or calendar entries with everything you learn along the way.
Remembering what their children’s names are is always an indicator of someone who cares.
Remembering the specifics lets the other person know you were actually paying attention. And they’ll respond with a higher degree of attention.
Change #5 – Showing you’re in control without being controlling
Here’s one of the most valuable social secrets you will learn in your entire life.
Remember this secret, and people will follow you anywhere.
Here it is: People like being led, but they hate being told what to do.
Read that again. People like following someone, but they don’t like others controlling their actions.
This subtle difference is key to drawing sustainable productivity and contribution from the people around you.
Everyone wants to contribute, but not more than the rest!
You set the pace. People like those who take care of what they perceive to be the most difficult parts.
You’re the one who cooks; they’re the ones washing the dishes, and it works out great for you if you love cooking.
Change #6 – Subtle sarcasm that they’re on board with
Sharing the same kind of humor is an instant win.
Sarcasm is a level higher than general humor.
Sarcasm is like a secret language; either you speak it or you find it confusing.
Oscar Wilde said it best: Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit but the highest form of intelligence.
The catch is to be sarcastic without being a jerk.
Change #7 – Willingness to make fun of yourself
Speaking of humor, some people live life like they’re floating!
Always in a good mood, they’re able to make fun of not-so-pleasant experiences and, through it, lift everybody’s spirits.
As humans, we gravitate toward those who are willing to be vulnerable, to show that they’re ok with the joke and not stuck up.
Nobody wants to be around someone who can’t take a joke, but they all want to be around someone who can throw it right back!
Pay attention to not being overly vulnerable or being the person who is constantly the subject of the joke, because then you lose respect and get labeled as the class clown.
If they’re laughing with you, you’re winning!
If they’re laughing at you, you’re doing it wrong!
Change # 8 – Being straightforward without being rude or disrespectful
Another quality that people immediately like is someone who knows what they want, and speaks their mind about it but does it with class or professionalism.
How many times have you been around people who don’t know what to order, where they want to go, how to deal with a minor problem, or who would rather live with the inconvenience instead of taking 3 minutes to solve it?
Being able to clearly communicate what you want is one of the pillars of success and one of the things that will make people instantly like you.
When the world sees someone who knows what they want, it’s more inclined to give it to them!
Moreover, others will respect it and see authenticity in your actions and intent.
Not allowing random small events to affect your mood
We spend our entire lives making sense of life.
Humans experience life in their Cerebral Cortex!
Meaning that all your life is experienced in your brain, so whatever you process in your brain is your real experience of reality.
For some people, even a minor drink spill is enough to completely ruin their night because they start thinking about what other people will think, and it’s a downward spiral from there.
Somebody cuts you off in traffic, and your whole day is ruined.
Nobody wants to be around people who can bring everybody’s mood down.
Don’t let a 5 minute moment ruin 12 hours of your day!
The antidote to this is to give the other side the benefit of the doubt, remembering we’re here for a short period of time.
And since the event has already happened, you’re only sabotaging your own happiness by not moving forward.
Extra points if you can do it with elegance and grace.
When you’re matching each other’s passion
Have you ever met someone you just clicked with?
Do you remember when that happened? What do you think is the thing that makes people instantly like you and the other way around?
It’s actually when you find someone who’s into the same things you are, at the same level of passion, because in a social environment, you’re talking the same language, which other people aren’t as fluent in.
It’s like meeting one of your own people!
In the business world, it’s when you meet someone who has made comparatively as much progress as you have that you immediately know just how hard it was for you to get to this point, and so it was for them.
When your personality matches your image
People like to know what they get. Nothing bothers you more than false advertising.
Don’t believe us; go see how many comments and jokes are out there about the air in the chip bags.
Intellectually, you know it’s there to keep the chips from crumbling, but people still have a problem with it.
It’s the same with your image.
When all other variables are the same:
Well-groomed beats poorly-groomed in the optics game.
Well-dressed beats poorly dressed.
Over time, slight improvements over the average have big effects on your performance and overall success.
When you’re genuinely cheering them on
Everyone loves a fan.
Everyone loves having someone in their corner.
As a matter of fact, as humans, we love those who reinforce our behaviors.
This is why people join gangs. Because taking a genuine interest and wishing the best for people is one of the things that makes them instantly like you.
Ideally, you want to be in a crowd of supportive individuals who will congratulate you when you accomplish something outstanding and alert you when you are losing concentration.
When you put them on a pedestal in social situations
If you want to build a solid network, talk well about the people who brought you into the room.
Words travel fast, and it will reinforce their choice of inviting you, and they’ll keep bringing you to other events.
Putting others on a pedestal wins you goodwill with them and those who will benefit from the connection.
Toxic people gossip and great people elevate. That’s the difference that will make people instantly like you.
Let others know what’s great about your other contacts without exaggeration, and slowly but surely you will build an extensive network of people who not only want you around but who are open to sharing their own connections with you.
This is called the law of reciprocity!
When you don’t try to broker their status for personal gain
The opposite of elevation is using other people’s reputations for personal gain.
It’s almost malicious. They’ve worked hard to build their good name, and you’re trying to piggyback on that.
People are actually pretty good at sniffing out those who just want to use them.
That’s why more successful people put up higher personal walls and have a vetting process to get into their circles.
Ensure that those who work with you understand your expectations
Everybody loves gifts, no matter what they say. Especially gifts with meaning.
Books are a good choice, but they are poor performers in terms of carrying favor.
The more personalized the gift based on what you know about the other person, the better.
I’ve sent people Japanese knives, AI-automated chess boards, toy subscriptions for the brain development of their kids, a missing piece from their collection, and so on.
Everything you learn about the other person should allow you to show that you’ve put real effort into the gift.
The goal is for your gift to not be thrown in the trash.
Moreover, every time they use it, they will be thinking of you.
In fact, whatever you plan on spending on a gift, at least double the amount.
If you’re bad at it, you can never go wrong with high-quality snacks.
In my experience, everyone loves a cake with a funny message or chocolate-covered strawberries and champagne!
It’s the small things that come across to people and makes them like you.
It’s the small things that come across to people and makes them like you.
