Are you feeling unfulfilled, like something is just missing?
There are all kinds of reasons people feel empty and unfulfilled in life, and it can range from mild dissatisfaction to a full-blown existential crisis.
Regardless of the reason, if you find yourself wanting more out of life, then you know it’s time to start a path in a new direction. Having the right strategies in place will guide you in getting out of a funk and living up to your unfulfilled potential.
In this article, I’ll help you identify the reasons you aren’t already living your most fulfilling life, and provide powerful approaches to break through each one.
1. You don’t know what’s important
People often find themselves feeling unfulfilled in life when their actions don’t consistently align with their core values—those ideals that matter the most to you.
Think of your core values like a train track, the structure that moves you forward in a certain direction. When you have a clear idea of your core values, you naturally move in a direction that’s true to yourself. When you don’t, you get derailed. You don’t know what’s important and get pulled in every which way.
To get clear on what matters to you, I suggest creating a list of values and beliefs. Through this exercise, you’ll find it easier to make decisions that match who you really are. This will also help other people know what they can expect from you.
You’ll know when to say ‘yes’ and when to say ‘no’. Over time, this consistency will build a life that matches your core beliefs, and ultimately brings joy and purpose.
Remember: values are personal. Some may value things like family and stability. Others prefer adventure and freedom. There is no right or wrong answer. Just so long as you define your values, then you lay the foundation to build a life that makes you happy.
2. Lack of focus
Do you have a big dream? Maybe you want to build wealth, start your own business, or go back to school to pursue your passion. Many people get stuck on the “dreaming” phase of pursuing their dreams, wishing and wanting without ever taking action.
When your goals are too vague, you’ll have a difficult time turning your dreams into reality. After all, big dreams usually take a lot of hard work, time, and commitment to achieve. It can seem too large and far-fetched. It can feel completely overwhelming, and you don’t know where to start.
If you want to accomplish your dreams, you need to shift from dreaming to doing. Start by looking at your big dream. Map out the steps to achieve those goals. Make a to-do list, a step-by-step guide that shows you the path from where you are to where you want to be. Goals can feel less daunting when you break them down into smaller steps.
Through daily planning, you begin to put one foot in front of the other. You take the small steps that lead you down the path toward reading your unfulfilled potential. Commit a certain amount of time, daily or weekly, to accomplish each step. Set a deadline to complete each step, with enough space and flexibility. Then commit to working through your plan.
3. You’re feeling unfulfilled in the wrong job or career
Everyone deserves to live a life that brings them joy and satisfaction, and life’s too short to be stuck in a job you hate. Toxic work environments, stagnancy, insane hours—these situations can suck the joy from our souls, and ultimately lead to exhaustion, burnout, or depression.
If you’re asking yourself, “should I quit my job”?, explore some of the following questions:
- Is your job taking a toll on your health and relationships?
- Does your current position line up with who you are?
- Will your current job help you accomplish your long term goals?
- Does your job give you enough flexibility and freedom?
- Do you already feel like you’ve mentally checked out?
If you answered yes to all or most, then maybe it’s time to consider a new direction. Walking away from the wrong career is a big step. It can take a lot of courage, but it’s worth it.
But what if you don’t hate your job? You just want a career you can feel passionate about. That makes it harder to walk away, but you don’t have to quit and start over from scratch.
Consider keeping your safety net while making room for new possibilities with a more measured approach to job and / or career change.
4. Unfulfilled potential
Did you have a life plan when you were younger that just went off-track somewhere along the way? At some point you lost confidence, missed your chance, and settled for less.
In short, you doubted your ability to succeed.
It’s not too late to start fully utilizing your unused potential. Your dreams might look different now, but you also have more knowledge, skills, and life experience to draw from. You just need the confidence to go after what you want.
Start by proactively working on your self-confidence and learn how to believe in yourself. Try some of these approaches:
- Focus on developing your strengths, not eliminating your weaknesses.
- Realize where you fall short, and accept those parts of yourself (You don’t have to be perfect at everything!)
- Repeat affirmations each day that boost confidence.
- Be your own cheerleader. Celebrate your accomplishments and recognize your hard work.
- Know when you take a break.
- Practice meditation exercises, to tune into your current state and become more self-aware.
- Embrace who you are—and let your authentic self shine!
As you continue to practice these exercises, you’ll build more confidence in yourself and trust in your own capabilities. Before you set out to achieve something, you know deep down that you can do it in the first place. You overcome self-doubt and approach new challenges with confidence.
5. You make idiotic choices and preferences in choosing relationships
If you are feeling unfulfilled, take a look at your relationships. Are you feeling connected and understood? Are you even smart enough and versed enough to know what and who is right for you? Or do you choose by whom looks good to you?
You are most likely wasting your time and years doing the same insanity, over and over. It might be time to walk away from some people, and chose something different and new, that you wouldn’t normally do. Normal, isn’t working out for you! Toxic patterns in our relationships result from poor communication and regret!
Our style, patterns, and perceptions prevent the other person from fully understanding what we want to express.
This communication breakdown affects our romantic relationships, friendships, and professional interactions alike. It prevents authentic connection, which can leave you feeling lonely and misunderstood.
You can categorize communication styles in four ways:
- Passive: Difficulty expressing thoughts and emotions, leading to built-up anger and resentment
- Aggressive: A tendency to talk over, criticize, and intimidate without listening to what other people have to say
- Passive-aggressive: Acting passive on the surface but holding hidden resentment that surfaces in subtle, indirect ways
- Assertive: Expressing emotions clearly and with confidence
You can see how the first three communication styles can easily cause conflict. Failing to listen to others (aggressive), avoiding conflict (passive-aggressive), or the fear of honest conversation (passive) prevents successful communication.
So how do you communicate with people? Do you speak to people with kindness? Or are most of your conversations filled with sarcasm, criticism, or hostility? Maybe you avoid talking about difficult subjects altogether.
When you bottle up your emotions, they tend to resurface in unhealthy ways, like passive aggressive reactions. Eventually, one situation could trigger a huge blow up.
Learning how to control your emotions, and use responses instead of reactions, will immensely improve your communication.
Communication is a skill that you can improve with practice. When you find yourself in the habit of passive, aggressive, or passive-aggressive communication, nurture an assertive approach. This creates an atmosphere of mutual respect in which both parties feel heard and comfortable speaking honestly.
Try these methods to communicate more assertively:
- Learn how to say “no”
- Speak honestly about your feelings
- Take ownership of your emotions by using “I” statements, such as “I feel angry when you don’t respond to my questions because it makes me feel ignored.”
- Listen when others speak
- Learn how to set boundaries
6. Lost your sense of purpose
We each have an innate need for purpose—a feeling that you know who you are and that you contribute to something bigger than yourself.
But many of us get lost, not quite knowing where we fit into the world. We often follow the path laid out before us. We follow the expectations of others to get good grades, find a good job, buy a house, start a family, without recognizing your own path.
When you want to know how to find your purpose in life, you need to look within. It means tapping into your unique gifts and the things you love. At the same time, you need to recognize your role and what you have to offer to other people. You’ll find your purpose at the intersection between the two. And, you can use these 5 questions to discover that sweet spot:
- What would you do with your life if money wasn’t an issue?
- What truly matters to you, enough that you’re willing to fight for it?
- What did you love doing as a child?
- What big dream scares you?
- What sparks passion inside?
7. You aren’t living authentically
Each person has a unique recipe for fulfillment and happiness. Someone may feel their most alive working as a digital nomad and traveling to a new country every 6 months. Another may feel their best when surrounded by family at home.
When you don’t understand what makes you happy, you could go in a million different directions. You experience an existential crisis. You end up chasing other people’s dreams without taking the time to realize your own.
It takes intention to build the life that you actually want. You have to actively figure out who you are in order to stop feeling unfulfilled. Then you know the ingredients to create your own recipe for happiness.
8. Ignoring your inner wisdom
If you struggle with overthinking, you are not alone. Research from the University of Michigan found that 73% of adults between the ages of 25 and 35 do it, as well as 52% of those aged 45 to 55. When you overthink, you create a cycle of anxiety and worry that often makes things a lot worse than the problem itself — leading you to start feeling unfulfilled.
One way to overcome overthinking is to tap into your intuition. I describe intuition as a gut feeling or hunch, a simple knowing that guides you forward.
When you learn how to tap into your intuition, you’ll naturally move towards your vision. You stop second-guessing yourself all the time by overanalyzing a situation.
Ways to tap into your intuition:
- Set aside quiet times: Sometimes you need stillness to remove distractions and listen to what your body has to tell you.
- Move from thinking, to feeling: Notice physical sensations in the body in reaction to a situation, like knots in your belly. This could be your intuition, warning you of danger or a bad decision.
- Develop self-awareness: Use practices like mindfulness meditation, therapy, and coaching to become more aware of your inner life.
9. Not challenging yourself
You’ll never build the life you want by playing it safe and staying inside the walls of your comfort zone. Falling in love, finding your dream job, pursuing your passion all require some risk.
That doesn’t mean you have to jump in head first. When big changes scare you, take one step at a time. These courage exercises can help to slowly go outside of your comfort zone:
- Identify what scares you, and try to discover the reasons behind those fears. Make a list and write them down. Sometimes just recognizing that we feel afraid can help us move forward.
- Do something that scares you, large or small, whether talking to a stranger or applying for that dream job.
- Sometimes we need support from others to overcome our fears. Consider speaking to a coach who can push you in a healthy way to move beyond your fears.
10. Afraid of making mistakes
Many people who feel unfulfilled never take action out of fear of failure or making mistakes. This type of limited thinking paralyzes you from moving forward.
When you pursue a new direction, you are going to make mistakes. That’s the only way you’ll learn and grow as a person.
Rather than expect perfection, open yourself to the possibility that you may not do well at something your first try (after all, who does?). Give yourself the space to make mistakes and look at them as a learning opportunity to get better.
11. You feel helpless to change
Fulfillment starts with finding that balance between what you can and cannot control. That means taking radical responsibility for your behaviors and your decisions.
Rather than blame everything and everyone, you must shift from a victim mentality and learn how to take control of your life.
Take inventory of your actions and ask yourself honestly:
- Am I fully present in my work and family life?
- Am I eating the right foods and getting enough rest?
- Am I managing my money responsibly?
- Am I taking small steps towards my goals?
Big changes aren’t easy. If you’re feeling unfulfilled, you don’t have to find your way on your own.