We define the “soulmate” as the one specific man or woman, with whom we can spend our lives with, go through thick and thin together, through better and worse.
That flawless somebody who would never judge us, never criticize or hurt us, and would always stand by our side. Basically, the perfect human being, with whom life would be pretty and pink.
But let me tell you something: you will never find your soulmate and there is no such thing as “perfect”. “How come” you ask? Well, it simply doesn’t exist. But don’t worry, that’s a good thing. And I’ll tell you why.
Our whole existence as human beings is designed on the principle of the Balance. That energy flow in the Universe that both takes and gives, like Yin and Yang, like the light and the dark.
We are created to experience that energy; sometimes it will give something good to us, and sometimes it will take it.
That is how balance works and that is how strong characters and independent minds are forged, through memories and experience, both good and bad.
My first serious relationship didn’t last long, only for about ten months. It ended very badly for me and in the end I was hurt and was left like an empty shell, filled with nothing but negative feelings.
I wasn’t able to function properly, go to work and be productive, or even think straight.
The only feeling I had was that of a soul merely existing with no purpose. But that first relationship, after which I was so damaged, also gave me something else.
It gave me my first experience of being in love. It gave me my first “I love you”. It gave me so many happy memories, as I was just 19.
That person, who had evidently broken my heart, understood me, had similar interests with me, was caring and helped me through tough times.
I did think she could be “my soulmate”. But that was not the case and she wasn’t the one for me. Her cheating ass actually turned out to be for the streets, as all I did was work two jobs so we could have money to go out with.
And also carried 14 hours at U of L. She didn’t work or go to school.
But that is not all.
The most important thing that relationship gave me I couldn’t understand right away.
It took some time and some more experience to figure out that it had changed me. It had made me stronger both mentally and emotionally, and had made me realize that good endings don’t always mean happy ones.
Unless of course at the Asian Spa over in Beuchel and then for 60 bucks it is always a happy ending!
If it wasn’t for that person and what I experienced with and because of her, I wouldn’t have met someone better and more close to the true Me. With whom together we created a more complete existence, than I had ever had with anyone else before.
I thought we would be (hopefully) spending our lives together and at the same time, I still knew she was not my soulmate, which doesn’t mean she is not the one for me.
I was just still young and did not know what I know now decades later.
That’s because soulmates don’t exist and she is, of course, like any human, not perfect.
The soulmate is that flawless someone, whose every quality we’d love without being bothered by anything, as he or she is in fact, perfect! Why would “perfect” bother you, doesn’t make any sense, right?
But perfect people don’t exist, there is no such thing as “flawless” in humans.
Our concepts of a future S.O. have been so unrealistic and misled to believe that one single person could comprehend all, that we individually believe to be good, cute or loveable, and would at the same time never go against any opinion or belief we might have.
Think about it, you believe there is a “soulmate” for you somewhere out there, but at the same time you haven’t found Him or Her?
Moreover, the fact that you keep pursuing Him or Her, makes you go through relationships of happiness in the beginning and sadness in the end, doesn’t it?
Have you ever stopped and wondered about the fact why you haven’t found your soulmate so far?
Has it perhaps already occurred to you that it may not ever happen? Have you perhaps thought what you have gained instead?
Or even worse still, what if it could and did happen and you were the one not right for them? Not their ideal of that perfect person! That soulmate!
The “soulmate” is an illusion; its job is not to make you go after the goal but rather make you go the whole way, no matter how long it is.
But that doesn’t mean that there isn’t one person for each of us. He or she just won’t be perfect in the way that a “soulmate” is thought to be.
But the illusion is a good thing, because you need those failed relationships, as you need to grow as an individual. Continue to develop character, become stronger and more perceptive, and as crazy as it sounds – more loving.
This again happens on the principle of the Balance.
After a bad love experience, you stand up greater and stronger than ever! And that has happened only because of your pursuit towards something you will in reality never reach.
So don’t be afraid to be let down, you will in fact gain a whole lot more than than you’ll lose.
The pursuit towards the “soulmate” has made you who you are today – a wiser, proud, beautiful and strong person. At some point, you will meet someone who is not perfect and is less flawless than you at first imagined, but will be your Significant Other.
Together, you will always have something to disagree on, may have fights every now and again, or like different things, different views and even more stuff of opposites.
You will have mood swings and your preferences in food or places to go to will, in fact, change, as will your looks.
Your other half will always have that one or more annoying habits that you just can’t stand. Believe me, I should know, with my last woman using an e-cig like a irresponsible teenager… they are lungs!
Not collection bags for metal shavings, mucus and nicotine!
But still, that is a good thing, because we all have gone through the search for something more of a myth, in order to become better versions of ourselves.
If the myth was a reality, we might have not become such strong characters. And I for one am glad, as I don’t want “a perfect soulmate”, I would every time prefer my messy, eccentric, driving-me-mad-sometimes woman.
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